yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize