Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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