dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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