used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
