is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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