I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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