If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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