I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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