Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
