i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
