So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
