i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
