You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize