Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
