i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
