My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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