I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
