i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
