I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
