please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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