i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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