Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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