I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
