I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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