in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize