I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
