How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
