You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
