Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dicks are not precious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
