sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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