The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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