FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm like, not good at living.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
