I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
