what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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