So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
