Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
