He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drunk is a universal language darling
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
