Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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