Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
