he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
