I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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