not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
