when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
