so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
