So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
