if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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