I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
