What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
