He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize