I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
