I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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