Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
