girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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