If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
