Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
