During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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