apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
