Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize