Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
