i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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