Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
