Bisexual people are plain selfish.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
