i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
