forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
