So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
