she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i drank out of a bidet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
