Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
