I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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