i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
