i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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