The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
