Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just googled if crying burns calories
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
