I bet he comes in French.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
