I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize