I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
