Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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