My balls are so social today.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
