i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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