Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
