Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
