I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
did i just pee glitter
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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