I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
