Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
