Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
