If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
