Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
