you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
