Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Bring me that man meat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
