So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
