im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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