He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
