Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
