The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
