she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
