i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
