you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
