I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
