just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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