Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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