Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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