grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
