She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
