youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
