Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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