its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
