Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
