Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize