She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
