A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
