Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
