I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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