I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
