i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize