So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
