like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
