So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
