He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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