I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
