look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
