I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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