I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
