I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
