I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
