Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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