I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
