Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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