last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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