I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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