There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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