now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
