we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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