i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me I should be a condom model.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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