for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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